Teacher: “Jimmy, why aren’t you writing?” Jimmy: “I don’t has a pencil.” Teacher: “Jimmy, that’s not a correct sentence. The correct way is: I don’t have a pencil; he doesn’t have a pencil; we don’t have a pencil.” Jimmy: “Who stole all the pencils then?”

Teacher: “Jimmy, why aren’t you writing?” Jimmy: “I don’t has a pencil.” Teacher: “Jimmy, that’s not a correct sentence. The correct way is: I don’t have a pencil; he doesn’t have a pencil; we don’t have a pencil.” Jimmy: “Who stole all the pencils then?”

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If you could kick the person in the ass

If you could kick the person in the ass for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month. Theodore Roosevelt said that.

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Finnegan in the Confession box

Finnegan, drunk as usual, walks into the chapel and goes straight into the confession box.  The priest waits and waits for Finnegan to say something.  Finally the priest pounds on the wall of the confession box. Finnegan yells back, “There’s no use asking me, There’s no toilet roll on this side either”      

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Paddy and Murphy get the day off

Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy “I’m fed up!,  I’m gonna try and get the day off, I’m gonna pretend I’m mad!” So he climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts ‘I’M A LIGHTBULB! I’M A LIGHTBULB!’ Everyone watches in amazement! Then the Foreman shouts ‘Paddy you’re mad, go home.’ So he leaves the site. Then Murphy starts packing up his tools to leave as well. ‘Where the heck are you going?’ asks the Foreman. ‘Sure I can’t work in the dark! ‘ says Murphy.

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What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight?

What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight?   Liam Malone

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