Anger – Where there is hatred, sow Love.
(This is a long one, so go and put your feet up) We cannot control everything that happens to us and we certainly cannot control other people – but we can always control how we act towards things. It is our gift of free will from the man above to always have this control over our feelings! – Although not many seem to know this!
I’ve just realised, that one of the main complaints searched for on-line today is ‘How do I control my anger?’ obviously it’s a hidden cross many seem to be carrying (and many more are showing, when they throw it at you). But, firstly know that anger is actually a very normal and even a healthy emotion – we all feel it at times, but it only becomes a problem when it constantly turns to rage and you are unable to keep it under control. Rage boiling within will always over flow and be shown towards others at some point. (usually the people closest, like your own family) So if you want to take control of it, you’ve firstly got to get to the root of it, this is key. One of biggest and most common reasons – is actually self-criticism. (A feeling that you have failed or wronged someone or you don’t add up to your own expectations in some way) – Well, until you forgive yourself and have compassion for yourself, this will continue. (and if you have wronged someone, try to resolve it, talk to them about it and apologize)
You see, If you don’t love and forgive yourself first, you’ll not be able to do the same for others and if you cannot love yourself and others, you cannot put out the fire of anger. it’s as simple as that. Somehow, we’ve got this idea of self-compassion confused with selfishness or unimportance. Well that’s just wrong. You can’t give what you don’t already have! (If you can’t swim yourself, you’ll not be able to save someone else – and you will both drown)
People with more self-compassion will usually have less anger for others. They will find it easier to apologize and admit they’ve been wrong if they make a mistake. They also have a much higher level of forgiveness within them. People with less empathy and compassion usually get furious if you highlight a problem or error as it stokes up their feelings of not being good enough.
If this touches on a nerve and perhaps applies to you, then great! For you now have an opportunity to do something about it.
Firstly, you might ask, how do I increase my level of self-compassion and self-worth?
Well, if you haven’t been doing this throughout your life, it will not happen overnight. It will take a little time and some work (and an old dog can always be taught new tricks if he’s willing to learn!) especially for all the ‘alpha’ males and ‘hard’ men of this world as they can often have the highest levels of low self-esteem, self-doubt – resulting in them throwing the hardest blows – to themselves. (Wrongly stemming from society’s expectation that men should not show any emotion.) the words ‘man-up’ should be blew-up and never heard again.
So, the way towards breaking this vicious cycle is to start and look at who you really are. Firstly, know this! You are not a bad person (as you would not on this site and interested in reading this article) so I can already tell you – You are better than most! – But we can all do with improving ourselves. And no matter what you have done, even you have taken 1000 steps away from God, it only takes one to get back to Him. The moment you accept God’s forgiveness you no longer have a ‘dark past’ you have a ‘bright future’ As difficult as it may seem, you are in your present situation for a reason – but you are not there to stay – you are there to learn something, so take the test and move on and the only way is with the power of love. Even if you have never been shown love by anyone else before, it doesn’t mean you don’t have it in you. But you firstly must learn to love yourself! Tell yourself this minute how much love you have for YOU. Look at yourself in the mirror and remember God made you to His perfection and He will always love you! (He has counted the hairs on your head remember, or had a record at one time)
Once you get used to having empathy and love for yourself, then look towards showing it to others and the best place to start, is actually with the people you feel deserve it the least. If someone has wronged you, and not many get away without this happened in life, you MUST accept it and actually forgive them! This is by no means excusing what they have done! But holding on to anger caused by someone wronging you is like drinking poison and expecting them to die. It is only yourself you are hurting! Remember THEY have wronged you, you wronging them back is like jumping into the coffin beside them! Remember God sees everything! You must trust that He will deal with them in His own way. Many crimes seem to go without justice and unpunished, but perhaps these are the ones God takes personally and perhaps these are the ones to be dealt with by a higher hand?
We are all going through this crazy world together. We are all God’s children. Look everyone in the eye with a smile and have compassion for each of them, just as you would your own children, your own brother or sister – and especially the ones who have wronged you! For they are the ones who actually need love most. Anyone who wrongs you is hurting more than you. Happy people don’t hurt others, remember you can only give out what you have within you. Every single one of us has our own problems, no one knows what another person is really thinking or going through and it is often the people who you feel deserve love the least who really need it most! Again this is not excusing the wrong they have done, even if they deny and wish to “take it to the grave” YOU must not.
“Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace, Where there is hatred, let me sow love” St. Francis – The man who turned it around by projecting love to everyone and everything, even the animals in the field.
Today is the day to stop beating yourself up! Today is the day to take control of your own life and it’s only by turning up the volume on love and compassion for everyone and everything (including YOURSELF) will you feel less negative emotions building, like anger or resentment – and without question it will spill over into other parts of your life and everything will be improved.
It will not be easy to change your attitude, but it’s the only way. “Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you and pray for those who are cruel to you – Luke 6:27 you just need to “Renew your mind” as God said from the start (and only recently confirmed by neuroscience ’breakthroughs’) When you change your thinking, you will change your emotions – as it is often only your thoughts that dictate how you feel.
Only love can conquer hate – “Love changes everything!” and love never fails! X
- Talk to some-one and some-two and some-three – keep talking about it! (you are not alone)
- Turn up the volume on exercising (a daily burst for 5 minutes is all you need)
- Spend plenty of time with nature (and the furry people)
- Do things you enjoy
- Try to relax, learn some deep breathing exercises and get plenty of rest!
- Try to eat healthy
- Listen to good music (create an up-lifting playlist)
- and move closer to anything or anyone with humor – it’s hard to beat a good laugh!
And of course if you feel you need extra help – Never be afraid to speak to the professionals!
(Just realizing today is the beginning of #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek – Lets try to be aware EVERY week x )